


Headcanon memes from tumblr (SW)

by kruk



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: English is not my native language, Gen, Mentions of Slavery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:27:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 4,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22134793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kruk/pseuds/kruk
Summary: Just a little collection of small pieces I wrote for various ask and memes:1) The first time Anakin felt free.2) About Anakin's living condiction.3) About food.4) Appearance (I)5) Appearance (II)6) About scars7) About scars (II)8) Tattoo...
Relationships: Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker
Kudos: 44





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is small piece, previously posted on my tumblr page, for ask about happy memory.

The first time Anakin took part in podraces, he almost died. It was horrible moment of life for mother, he knew, but flying made him so damn happy, he couldn’t help himself and treasure the memory. The feeling when he was flying with high speed - _too fast to get caught by master’s anger, too fast to think about past failures and pain, too fast to look back_ \- was like salvation.

Of course, he crashed that day. He was scolded by Watto and laughed at by Sebulba. But it was the first time he tasted freedom and he knew since that day freedom was reachable even for a slave.


	2. Living condiction

Anakin was growing up in poverty, so he was used to lack of luxury.

The little living space he and Shmi had for themselves was well groomed - everything had its own place to lay, everything was treated well. Anakin from younger years was taught that the better he takes care for his own possessions, the longer items may have been used. What could be repaired, should be repaired. What could be re-used as something different, should be re-used. What was no longer needed should be given away to other people in need. Money for home was spent sparingly and wisely. Though Skywalker family never had too many money, Shmi sometimes allowed herself to buy something nice to home to make the old, yellowish-gray building a bit more colorful and happy place to live. From her Anakin learnt that he does not need a luxury items to make living quarters feels like true home.

Jedi did not care for luxury either, so he had never feel jealous nor need to have better equipped home. Shmi taught him to take care of his things, so his living quarters were always tidy, clothes clean and folded and put in closet. The only one exception was electrical parts, spare parts for machines and all kinds of tools that Anakin used everyday, as a slave and Jedi. The little working space he had for himself was full of random things, quite often found outside and brought home for repair. Even though for some Jedi it looked like cramped - _not proper for a padawan, even less for Knight_ \- space, everything was still put in right place in this chaos.

When he was a slave or Jedi, living quarters were mainly use for work and sleep and sometimes to hide from pain, judging look of masters and their scorn.

Living with Padme was pretty easy. Her homes, on Coruscant and Naboo alike, were spacious, colorful, with nice view on beautiful sky or lake. Inside everything was tidy and elegant looking but it took months to get used to these places. Padme’s apartment lacked personal items, making the beautiful interior space feeling a bit cold. Except for her bedroom, where she kept holopictures of her family and friends, her beloved holobooks, drawings made by nieces, all the trinkets; the most precious and dearest items that had nothing to do with expensive jewelry. That spoke about her too much that she didn’t want - couldn’t - put those on display just like that.

During war when Padme wasn’t on Coruscant, Anakin would not sleep in their bedroom. It was too empty, too lonely to lay down there. He wouldn’t go to Temple either, if he had a choice in the matter. Hangar where he spent hours repairing and tweaking this or that in his and his men starfighters was like second home to him. The same was with headquarters of 501st Legion in which Anakin and Rex spent hours writing reports and doing all paperworks between missions. If there was no need to be at Temple, Anakin remain there all night. The couch that he may or may not ~~steal~~ borrow from the corridor was comfortable enough to sleep on (although quite often it was occupied by sleeping Rex who didn’t feel like leaving his general when Skywalker still worked even though the man told him to get some rest), and he may or may not bring electric kettle or any other poor machinery that was thrown away that needed just a bit repairing to work again. Oh, and okay, maybe he did ask Padme to buy some nice tea and coffee so 501st could have their own stash instead of rely of canteen assignment. Cookies was just a gift from lovely wife though.


	3. Food

Between Ob-Wan, Anakin and Padme, Skywalker is the only one that actually should be allowed into kitchen without fear of making mess and burning something. He may not be the best of the best cooks ever (there was little time for Shmi to taught him and Jedi do not teach padawans to cook) but he is pretty good on his own. When he was a boy, he liked those peaceful moments when he could help mother with dinner. They could talk about events of the days, share secrets, plan home budget for another week. As a padawan, he felt weird to not be allowed into kitchen, to rely on droids and kitchen staff to have food. He missed mother very much every time he eat some tasty and rich food; somehow even so good food did not taste that well if he could not share it with Shmi. Now, after her death, cooking by himself feel weird. He likes though the moments when he and Padme cook together, even if Padme just cuts and peels the needed vegetables or prepares other ingredients.

Sometimes, when there is mission for small team and there is time and no danger, Anakin is teaching Ahsoka some basic cooking skills as well. Of course, all padawans are taught how to survive on their own in wilderness, but that is not the same as home cooking. Cooking in field kitchen is not the same as making dinner for Padme either, but he does not mind to cook for always hungry Ahsoka and bunch of curious clone troopers who love free food that actually has a taste.

Anakin and his men hunt for food as much as it is possible, to not rely all the time on supplies - one never know when they will be under attack again and supplies then will need last for days, it is not wise to eat them if there are other food sources available.

On Tatooine only rich people could be truly picky eater. Anakin grew up in poverty, thus learned to eat anything that will keep him alive. Every food, no matter how awful tasting was something to be thankful for. On missions, he may or may not eat bugs sometimes just to unnerve his master though.


	4. Appearance

Anakin does not pay much attention to his appearance. Like, he is always making sure he is clean, clothes washed and fresh and no holes, but he does not care otherwise how he looks. Unless he is put under high pressure that makes him very well aware he is gonna be judged by everything and the smallest detail slightly less than perfect may meet with disapproval. Which is pretty much how he feels all the time when he must meet with Jedi Council. Until the war, at least, because on frontlines everyone look messy. Even members of Jedi Council.


	5. Appearance (II)

Shmi taught him to take care of his things and poverty taught him to respect what he little own which is why Anakin does not drop his Jedi coat on every occasion like his master does all the time. During war, Obi-Wan needed to ask time after time for replacement for his lost (or ruined) Jedi robes. Anakin prefers to mend and darn his own clothes (and Ahsoka's, because no padawan of his is gonna fight in clothes full of holes, _thank you very much_ ). He likes to repair things, and even mending holes feels calming. Sometimes, during stress, he is literally mending and darning every clothes he get his hands on. His, Obi-Wan’s, Ahsoka’s, sometimes even Rex’s kama.


	6. Scars

Anakin has a lot scars. The one across eye is well known and visible but rest is hidden under heavy Jedi robes. He is not really ashamed by them but he hates when people keep asking about his scars. Because sometimes it is really hard to explain how he got some of them. Jedi do not understand scars from beating by Gardulla’s stewards because he did not lower his head quick enough, from drunk scum who threw at him empty bottle, from crashing during podraces. It easier to keep scars hiden; he does not stand out too much from other padawans then.


	7. Scars (II)

Anakin has scars that reminds him of childhood in slavery, some from various missions with Obi-Wan, when they together travelled through the galaxy. Some were fresh and new, from brutal fight on many battlefronts. Padme always looks so shocked, so terrified by them he almost feels guilty for showing new scar to her. _Almost_ , because she always kiss him gently, the soft touch of her fingers gliding on the marred skin does not carry any fear, only compassion, only love.


	8. Tattoo

Anakin has one tattoo, in the place where the bomb was once placed inside him. Jedi took it out, freed him from the fear of violent death. But time passed, but he still did not feel free. He needed more noticeable evidence, something much much solid than promises. The tattoo is not big and simply, just Tatooine symbol understood by few people, mainly by slaves. A symbol he risked his life and won his freedom. The tattoo is rarely seen by anyone, but that does not matter. It’s not something to look pretty or tough, just statement for Anakin’s own peace of mind.


	9. Padme likes...

If someone would ask Padme, what she likes, she most likely would say something along the line “quiet moments of peace”. Her work is important yet very stressful and she has so little time for herself most of day, that a bit of relax sounds just great, right?

Except not.

Like, yes, Padme likes the evenings, when she and her handmaidens finally came back from Senate and can sit together in safe apartment, talking about past events and meetings with people, gossiping and laughing at silly things. It feels nice to spent time with them, sharing secrets, together planning out the next political move, looking for the best solutions to end some important problems.

Sometimes even watch together a holomovie or two, and for one night not thinking about tomorrow.

Spending time with family is what Padme enjoys very much. There is something magic to come back to home, see mother and father, sister and little nieces and just be with them all, not as former queen or senator, with little talk about her work, no pressure at all. Spending time with family on Naboo is lovely, yet so rare those days. Same with Anakin; the war keeps them separate for many weeks if not months. When Anakin is around, even if just for few hours, she likes lie next to him and listen to his heartbeat. In a way the steady heart beat relaxes her like nothing else. It means the man she loves deeply is alright, alive. There is nothing to worry about… at least until the duty calls again.

Padme likes those quiet moments shared with handmaidens or her family. Then she could relax and be happy, but being alone by herself? She would get bored very soon and start working on the new project, checking already checked documents, work and work and work until very late in the night.

Padme alone would never waste a time if there was something more important to do… and sadly, there is always something more important because duty always comes first.


	10. Padme dislikes...

Padme disliked two things: _inaction_ and _helplessness_.

Taking day off to relax a bit, to slow down feels to her like wasting of time. If there is no family or friends to be with, senator job is everything, an absolute priority for Padme. But the longer the war goes on, the more her work is choking her with a sense of powerlessness. She dislike this feeling, yet she can’t shake off the sensation she somehow is failing her people and Republic. That no matter how hard she tries to open negotiation with CIS, her hard work bear no effect.

The more war goes on, her job is more and more harder for another reason: Padme dislikes now very, very much all official and unofficial meetings in Senate, when people keep talking about war, how much it cost Republic to lost another battalion or warship or that another Jedi died on this or another battlefront. She hates the suffocating feeling of helplessness, when people around her keep talking that Skywalker died too, he had to since there is no contact with his unit for days, weeks.

Padme does not like how the rage burn her inside, but she can’t scream. She can’t ask “how dare you?”, can’t tell “this is my husband you talk about!”, can’t do anything, really. The inaction and helplessness drives her crazy. Which is why she can’t waste time when there is war going on, because Padme hates waiting for rescue, for a change, better tomorrow that may not come, if she does nothing.


	11. Sleeping

Anakin does not like sleeping. He does not like dreaming.

It of course comes down to one thing: **vulnerability**.

When he sleeps, he is unable to protect himself or other people; sleep make him unable to react quickly enough to prevent danger and sometimes the seconds between sleeping and waking up make difference between life and death. Oh, and the sleep brings dreams, terrifying dreams of past and future, of pain, of death, of something he does not understand, something like… powerful yet forgotten.

When he was a boy though, there was always a warm, calm voice of his mother to help him fall asleep, promising to protect him by the cold, dark night. A warm voice to reassure him after nightmare. Other slaves understood why dreams sometimes were bad. Other slaves did not judged him.

Anakin shared some of his dreams with the closest friends, with Pala, Kitster and Dorn. The good ones and the bad. They knew he hated sleep, that he feared it, but none of them thought it was a sign of weakness.

Jedi were different though. Sleeping in Jedi Temple was much worse than in poor slave quarters on Tatooine. His room was nice and warm all the night, filled with holobooks and small electronic equipment, tools to repair unwanted droids yet still somehow empty and cold. Since the first day he was presented to Council, he was deemed too old, too fearful, too angry. Jedi do not have nightmares, but nightmares comes to him night after night. It was sign of weakness. A prove Yoda was right after all… so Anakin trained longer and harder, until he was too exhausted to think straight, so he could sleep without dreams.

Sleeping on missions was easier. It was only him and Obi-Wan. Sometimes he even believed his master, when he said dreams pass with time. ( _They didn’t_ ).

Anakin liked to sleep when Padme was around though. She was warm, and patience and did not accuse, if he spent a night just lying down and staring at nothing specific for hours. Not really sleeping, but resting nonetheless. She believed his dreams, asked about nightmares, did not treat them as something that is wrong with him.

Sleeping around Padme was safe. (At least until nightmares started again).

The war did not help the unhealthy sleeping habits of Anakin. Sometime he was so focused on missions, he did not sleep for days. Couldn’t not because of fear, but because there was so much to do yet so little time. He could not fail his troopers and his masters and Chancellor, all of those who count on him.

He did not sleep much around Ahsoka, not if he could help about that. She was his padawan, a student, his responsibility. He did not want Ahsoka to see how he struggled; Ahsoka should focus on her own problems, on her training, on surviving the war, not to worry about him. Same with troopers serving under his command. It didn’t feel right to show weakness, a vulnerability in front of others.

Yet Ahsoka knew, and worried. Yet captain Rex noticed, but never treat Anakin’s troublesome sleep as something unnatural.

They cared like Padme did. And it made sleeping on frontlines a bit less terrifying. Made Anakin feel a bit less vulnerable.


	12. (a)romantic A-17

Alpha is not romantic type of person.

Like all ARC of alpha-class, he was made to be the superior version of clones. Smarter, stronger, better in all aspects. That included high resistance to anything that could distract his focus from the mission. Maybe it was something in Jango Fett’s DNA, maybe Kaminoans tinkered too much in his genome and made him that way. Alpha didn’t know, didn’t care. Romantic feelings were alien to him, and he was glad for that.

He heard enough tales about those poor, foolish clones who fell in love with someone and get themself killed or get punished for wasting time and energy on silly gestures inappropriate for troopers. Or worse, tales about those so desperate to be loved, that were driven into madness or depression. Alpha hoped to never fell down so low, to not be the one to bring shame to Great Army of Republic.

Romantic feelings were a luxury clone couldn’t afford. Especially not ARC.


	13. Force and droids

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not really work for any headcanon meme, a bit modified from original post on my tumblr. But screw that, I like this one.

Darth Vader knows a lot about people serving on his personal ship, even though he rarely or never talk with most of them. 

He, like most force-users really, does not excatly read people minds. Like yeah, he could use the Force to dig into someone’s mind and forcibly take a look at memories and thoughts hidden there or control “weak willed” person via mind tricks. But on daily routine, being force-sensitive is more about _sensing_ other people’s emotional state (like feeling their hate, fear or happiness) and physical condition (sensing their pain, injury, sickness) than knowing for sure what is going on in their minds. The ability to feel other people’s feelings gives a hardly precise knowledge because emotions can be either misread or buried, secured deep down too much. Still, the ability alone gives Vader a lot to work with, at least some basic sense of what kind of people he has contact with. If person is strong or weak minded, full of fear, courage, ambitious, dangerous or something different. 

Ahsoka once said that Anakin _**feels too much, too keenly.**_ And when you feel everything, you’re brilliant. When you feel everything, it _hurts_.

Anakin, as Vader did not lost this "sensitivity”. He may be more apathic, more adjusted to ignore the all-present feelings coming from everyone and everything around him. He is older, more experienced, has better understanding of Force and its nature to tune down unwanted sensations. Still, there is no switch off, so Vader stills “feels everything” and that of course gives him needed advantage to survive in the service of Empire. Not only helps to predict who is gonna betray him soon, but also gives hints about people’s secrets. Like when someone’s is not affraid of him per se, but more terrified that he knows what said person did. That small difference always catch his attention. Because these little details may come to use at the least expected moment. 

So, it is really difficult for imperial crew to tell how much Vader knows really, how much he can guess and how much he (does not) care about people’s personal stuff.

It is no wonder that imperial officers and soldiers can see Vader as sort of all knowing, god-like being; even more by those who actually saw the effects of him using the Force.

For sure, the Force was an useful tool that helped Vader to have better understanding of what is going around him, who hated, feared or respected him, without any need to dwell into someone’s personal space of mind. But half of the knowledge about people serving under him did not really comes from the Force, but from more a prosaic, unexpected source. The droids.

It’s nothing new that droids, like all machines, are seen as lesser beings, invisible and unnoticed by most people. But droids talk to each other and pass various informations. Like mouse droids on the imperial ships. And Vader understand very well their language. So, when he is passing mouse droids focused on their jobs or chit chatting with each other, he learn every day something new about his subordinates. And oh boy, he knows so much weird stuff.

And people freak out every time when their secrets aren’t so secret for Vader.


	14. name

At first ARC A-17 didn’t care what Jedi or non-cloned people call him. Really. The young Skywalker was first to prompt him about name or if he is bothered to be addressed just as a “clone”. He wasn’t but Skywalker called him Alpha anyway… _whatever_ , A-17 did not care, he was there only to finish mission. Except the padawan did not stop at that - every time they ended together on mission or on battlefront, Anakin always introduced him to other Jedi/padawans and officers as Alpha. Soon after that everyone started using his new given name more than identification number. Before he noticed, the name stick to him for good and frankly, it wasn’t that bad. Without realizing it, he even started introduce himself as such.

Soon, the “A-17″ loss its importance to the point that other clones needed to nudge him when some (non cloned) officers was asking for A-17 to answer while Alpha did not respond to the sound of his own identification number.

He was proud to be Jango Fett’s clone but it was weird to be not called Alpha.


	15. Childhood (Boba Fett)

Boba Fett’s childhood was split between time spent with father and without him.

Jango never hid the truth from the boy about his origin, nor the desire to make him the future best bounty hunter. Because of that, Boba understood father’s harshness during their trainings and worked very hard to meet his high expectations. There was time for training and proper education but also for games and fun whenever Jango had a time between one mission or another.

Boba cherished every single moment they spent together because he knew that sooner than later Jango will go again for the hunt, leaving him alone with guardian droid. When Jango is off the planet, Boba does not see many living beings. He does not hang out with clone troopers or commandos; it’s pointless, after all they are made for different purposes. He may be a lonely boy, but loneliness is a part of bounty hunter’s life and he prefer it over any clone, really.

He has many books to keep him occupy after all. Books that his father allowed him to have but do not like reading aloud (but does everytime Boba asked, even though Jango _hates reading with passion_ ). And fine, reading is hard, always was for him since Boba could remember, letters not always makes sense, but he is doing better with passing time. Beside books, day after day Taun We comes to see if he needs anything (he needs only father to return but he never speak out loud, he will be the best hounty hunter in he whole galaxy, saying such thing was a weakness he couldn’t afford) and stays for a bit. Sometimes she is telling him about her new project or how clone troopers progress with their training. Sometimes she asks about Jango, when he is coming back. Sometimes they talk about books Boba is currently reading. She never stays with him too long but he likes her anyway. 

Then, from time to time he is training in fighting stimulator or on open platform during rainy nights, all under the guidance of Walon Vau, the most trusted Mandalorian warrior that fulfills his father’s duties to Kaminoans and other sarges when Jango is not present. It is not the same like training with father, but it is better than siiting alone in empty home. Better than endless loneliness. Beside, Vau is never asking him about feelings, never tell about other clones. He set the expectations high, he challenges him, demands the perfection. Boba hates him and like for that and trusts everything will be alright. Trusts, once the father will come back, he will see how much of progress Boba did under old sarge’s watchful eyes. Hopes that Vau is gonna tell Jango how hard working, skilled is his son so Jango could be proud of him even more.

It was matter of time, before Jango will come back to home and everything will come back to normality. Boba never worried about his dad. After all Jango Fett was the best bounty hunter and once he promised to return soon, he always keep the promise.

Boba Fett’s childhood was split between time spent with father and without him.Until the day his father did not return. With his death, the childhood ended for good and loneliness became his only constant companion. 


	16. Appearance (III)

Jango Fett’s clones were genetically modified to the most optimal possibilities. Thanks to the changes made by Kaminoans, all clones were faster and stronger than normal human being. All were made solid, massive, shoulders wide.

As the only non-modified clone of Jango, Boba was different, smaller, less muscular. At the same time, he wasn’t looking exactly like Jango in his youth, because Jango grew up on harsh Concod Dawn - even though his father was one of Journeyman Protector, his family wasn’t really rich, so Jango didn’t always ha a chance to eat as much as he would like to. Because of that childhood experience, Jango made sure his son would never be deprived of proper food (unless it was survival training, then Boba must take care of himself alone).

So, Boba was slimmer than other clones but heavier, much more physically healthier than Jango ever was at his age. The long hours of training made his body strong and muscular, but it was the speed and endurance that mattered the most for Boba. Yet it’s not the shape of body that made him stand out the most from other clones but his shoulder-length hair. Keeping them that long was unpractical, but Boba as a kid liked to kept them like that. Partially, because clone troopers weren’t allowed to have long hair and he liked such freedom of choice, doesn’t matter how little the choice meant. Partially, because he was afraid to look like other clones. He had never doubt that his father would always recognize him in the crowd of clones, but it felt nice to have material sign he looks different than millions copies of Jango Fett.

After father’s death, the lenght of hair meant little to nothing. Since then, only practical solutions were the right ones, so Boba cut his hair and keep them that way for all the years that came after Geonosis.

Now, Boba has many scars on the whole body and his skin is so pale, almost unhealthy, because he rarely takes off his helmet. His body is still less muscular, thinner than any clone troopers, even the face does not look the same as their. But so does not look like Jango either. Mainly because his father died young, when Boba is twice his age now.


	17. Sex and romantic feelings [Vader]

**Sex** is out of question for Vader. After Mustafar, his multated and burned body is not good for such activities. The remaining skin is too sensitive and needs to be protected all the time to the point Vader is unwilling to exposing any part of his body outside the meditation chamber or necessary repair / medical check.

In other words, any more engaging sexual activity would painful and uncomfortable. But the pain alone is no big deal. It’s not that he _couldn’t_ handle sex with someone, because Vader is, after all, a true master of life in constant pain.The real reason why the Sith Lord does not care for such human needs (that can be shut down pretty easily by meditation) nor seek any physical closeness with anyone at all lies in something else:

To have sex he would have to trust other person and no Sith in their right mind would allow such weakness. Not with Palpatine for a master, who loves explore and use every single,little flaw of his enemies and allies alike.

The sex is out of quesstion for Vader for one more reason: he does not feel sexual atraction to people unless a strong emotional bond will be established between him and said person(s). Sadly, the same like with sex, Vader is not interested in trusting others and without trust there is no strong bond. 

Vader does not trust people anymore. Not like he used in previous (happier) life. Sure, he has loyal agents and soldiers to command but from own experience he is aware that everyone can betray for right price. So, it does not matter how pretty or brave or loyal women and men or alien will cross paths with him, Vader has **no romantical interest** in them. Quite opposite, if he met some unique young woman with warrior spirit, in a moment of weakness he will more likely wonder if his daughter would be like that too, than actually feel any even the tiniest romantic feeling toward the girl. Really, Vader is too old for that stuff.

Beside, no human or alien, not even Force can replace Padme.

In short, no Padme, no romantic feelings, no sex.


End file.
